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![Firebird Ref [2025] ~](https://image.imagexox.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Ft.furaffinity.net%2F61296783%40150-1750434218.jpg "Firebird Ref [2025] ~")
Living with BPD, Psychosis stemming from certain traumas and a short fuckin' fuse even I don't like. (It comes in handy at times, others, not so fun.)
Its tough. Really tough.
I don't know why I bite, but I do...and i'm so lucky to have someone who knows me inside and out to protect me from bad things, people and ultimately doing something bad to myself.
Its getting harder to control and doctors never take it seriously, just sedate and move on hoping i'll go away.
One of my deepest mental scars is growing up, if people saw me flip out or get angry - they'd push EVERY button to see it again. Like a fool, I fell for it. I still do. The more I try to keep it in, the more it lashes out - the more I feel guilt, pain and anguish in scaring others. I've grown up accepting i'm just a bad person thats angry, thats it.
My mental health team keep telling me its not my fault, but the voices in my head and everything else tells me i'm just bad. The bad dog. All i'll be is a broken dog who's got a bad reputation for being bad and bad i'll always be.
I accepted being a monster for so long I can't be anything else, the light is shutting off but all I want to have is love and not have people scared of me for trying to be better.
The only time I want to fight and bite, is protecting those I love and care for.
Love and Affection is what I crave but i'm also scared of it. Scared of touch and being held - trauma won't allow it so its almost a fear.
( Inspired by Isle Of Dogs, Chief's story and words hit me a bit hard tonight. )Fleabag (C)
Tumaini (C)
Art (C)
Its tough. Really tough.
I don't know why I bite, but I do...and i'm so lucky to have someone who knows me inside and out to protect me from bad things, people and ultimately doing something bad to myself.
Its getting harder to control and doctors never take it seriously, just sedate and move on hoping i'll go away.
One of my deepest mental scars is growing up, if people saw me flip out or get angry - they'd push EVERY button to see it again. Like a fool, I fell for it. I still do. The more I try to keep it in, the more it lashes out - the more I feel guilt, pain and anguish in scaring others. I've grown up accepting i'm just a bad person thats angry, thats it.
My mental health team keep telling me its not my fault, but the voices in my head and everything else tells me i'm just bad. The bad dog. All i'll be is a broken dog who's got a bad reputation for being bad and bad i'll always be.
I accepted being a monster for so long I can't be anything else, the light is shutting off but all I want to have is love and not have people scared of me for trying to be better.
The only time I want to fight and bite, is protecting those I love and care for.
Love and Affection is what I crave but i'm also scared of it. Scared of touch and being held - trauma won't allow it so its almost a fear.
( Inspired by Isle Of Dogs, Chief's story and words hit me a bit hard tonight. )Fleabag (C)
Tumaini (C)
Art (C)
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Ukraine_win_007
~ukrainewin007
It seems that if there is someone nearby who wants you, life has meaning.
