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I was supposed to post this yesterday, but I had a bad mental crisis for a good few hours that I don't want to get into, so let's leave it there. I'm doing slightly better now.
Now, for what you've all been waiting for! My new icon after... a year, I believe?
I've been trying to commission someone for one for months, but my funds have been tight. I had to save for my cords, get rid of stuff I didn't want/need anymore, cancel subscriptions I forgot I was still was a part of... there were people more deserving of those funds...
As of late, I have severe Detective Tatsuki brainrot, so I've been C R A V I N G an icon like this. I NEEDED to draw this. He deserved a badass portrait like this.
I can't believe something this dynamic came from my hand. I drew this??? I was going to joke that it was commissioned, but that's so disrespectful to my growth. Like I couldn't have possibly made this without help.
The shading, that I initially dreaded doing, made this pop so much. I'm glad I didn't give up on the sketch. I'm glad the last icon didn't work out. Because, I would have never made THIS.
Yeah, I screwed up and had to color the shading individually, but it was worth it. I might practice with shading more in the future! The gradient background also helps. It makes it look cinematic(?). I get the feeling he's walking down a seedy path at night.
No huge story behind this. A sketch that got lucky.
He turns to look at you. His dull teal eyes glow blue. Something about you piqued his interest...
Now, for what you've all been waiting for! My new icon after... a year, I believe?
I've been trying to commission someone for one for months, but my funds have been tight. I had to save for my cords, get rid of stuff I didn't want/need anymore, cancel subscriptions I forgot I was still was a part of... there were people more deserving of those funds...
As of late, I have severe Detective Tatsuki brainrot, so I've been C R A V I N G an icon like this. I NEEDED to draw this. He deserved a badass portrait like this.
I can't believe something this dynamic came from my hand. I drew this??? I was going to joke that it was commissioned, but that's so disrespectful to my growth. Like I couldn't have possibly made this without help.
The shading, that I initially dreaded doing, made this pop so much. I'm glad I didn't give up on the sketch. I'm glad the last icon didn't work out. Because, I would have never made THIS.
Yeah, I screwed up and had to color the shading individually, but it was worth it. I might practice with shading more in the future! The gradient background also helps. It makes it look cinematic(?). I get the feeling he's walking down a seedy path at night.
No huge story behind this. A sketch that got lucky.
He turns to look at you. His dull teal eyes glow blue. Something about you piqued his interest...
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Okay, I say this in the least offensive, but still blunt way possible: why are you apologizing to me? I'm the one who ghosted you for months!
I didn't mean to. I saw the art you drew me and was so ecstatic, I didn't know what to say! I was trying to figure out what to draw you back as thanks! When I figured it out, then came the problems. I wanted to surprise you, which meant hush hush for a while. Then, my inferiority complex kicked it. Nothing I drew was "good enough". My art style was still fluctuating, so I wasn't at my best at the time. So, I felt guilty the more and more I kept secret about what I was doing and how I kept you in the dark. I was at an ime: tell you thank you and not give anything back immediately or keep trying and wow you. This grew out of hand. Constantly practicing and my personal art looks fine, but for some reason, I'm sucking at such a simple design! So I'm constantly on and off, and I just delete the sketches. So, I focus on getting better, because... you saying how I was improving motivated me and I didn't want to disappoint you.
I'm sorry for being such an insensitive jerk all these months. You deserved better. I kept doing little things so you know that I wasn't ignoring you/didn't like you, but I knew this was going to come up soon. I feel worse thinking of all the time wasted that we could have talked. I acted like such an idiot... I won't ever do that again. I'll just say thanks.
I thought you hated my guts and I hated myself for not saying anything. Please don't beat yourself up for my idiocy. Same like you tell me all the time, take a break if you need it! But, this was on me this time. I'm usually thinking/worrying about everyone that I care about, so you've been in my thoughts as well. 💕
But... uh... outside of all of that, thank you! 🥰 I worked hard on this, so I appreciate the kind words!
Yeah, I've been drawing these pointing downward muzzles, because I imagine his mouth animated like... Zootopia? (Is that the film I'm thinking of? I can't .) Well, like a Disney character anyway. 🤣 I'm trying to get used to him finally having a long muzzle. The anime style face grew tiresome and difficult to get on-model in a way I liked. Not to mention, it grew harder for me to see him as a canine and not a procyonidae or mustelid. Now he looks like a fox-raccoon! Perfect! 😃
Like I'm not already obsessed with him, I had to get back into this hyperfixation. (Mixture of 20's-50's style/Noir/Suits/Fedoras & Trenchcoats/Serious/Mean looking characters.) I love this combination of aesthetics so much... 😡 /happyanger
I can't even imagine him wearing anything but suits right now. Dammit.
Thank you for agreeing that he looks badass here! I'm super proud of how far my ability to draw expressions and different angles has gotten! I still feel discouraged when I see anyone else's art, because I keep wondering: "Why can't I do this??", but I try to be thankful for my current growth and not compare myself to others, as it held me back severely in the past. But, at least I finally made an icon I actually want to use for once! 😭🤣
Seriously though... thank you. 💝
Never feel like your art or your thanks aren't good enough for me! You never have to return art to me for gifts I draw you. Honestly, I wanted to draw him SUPER BADLY that night and just went ahead and did it lol. I kind of thought maybe I'd upset you or something, but I checked the server again the other day and saw the reactions and it made me smile.
I love talking to you, even if you don't have anything you think is 'good' to say, or nothing you want to show me. You don't ever have to return anything I give you, okay? If you want to, that's fine.
But you really HAVE improved, so so so much, your art looks so good and I'm just ecstatic to see you around again! I've been worried but I wasn't sure if you wanted to be left alone or not. I had something happen last year that made me kind of scared to check because I didn't know if you were.... Just gone.
Ahhhh you're so welcome! It looks SOOO good, honestly, it's soooo nice???
It really does look so good to see you drawing something more yourself? I can see you here, if that makes sense. But yeah, I think it's Zootopia? A lot of them do that, honestly.
LOL hey, that's totally fine? I get into my hyperfixations, too, and that's totally okay.
Awwwwww dude draw it!
You're so welcome! I'm so proud of you, too! Like, it looks soooo good. That's good, about the icon! I think something that may help is to try and think neutral about it? "I may not be able to do this yet, but at some point, this person couldn't do this, either." That might help? I know thinking neutral has helped me a lot!
You're so welcome, seriously. I'm always here if you want to talk or do trades or anything at all, okay?